Skip to main content

THE OBAMA/FARAGE TREATY


In a stunning turn of events, President Barack Obama and UKIP's Nigel Farage will announce that they have brokered a deal that will provide the answers to the most pressing problems that face each of their countries.

Obama has been confounded by the problem of Texas, a state that is home to George Bush and Rick Perry, a state that embraces the idea of a huge wall separating it from its southern neighbor, a state that has threatened to secede from the Union.

On the other side of the Pond, how can Farage expect to govern a country in which at least half of the population think that he is Satan incarnate, a country that already has a wall along its northern border, a country that has in fact already voted to secede from the Union?

The answer?

Swap places.

Obama will use eminent domain to confiscate the life-sized model of Noah's Ark that is being built in Kentucky. "If it was capable of carrying the Biblical dinosaurs to safety, it should be able to accommodate all the Texans that we want to get rid of," says Obama. "On the return trip, England can send along folks who voted Remain and bring them home to where they belong, the common market known as the USofA."

When asked about the Royal Family, Obama said,"We'll take Queen Elizabeth and her brood. They'd be perfect fodder for a reality television show. And Betty White has agreed to take her place in England. They're about the same age, Betty can handle anything that the newly transplanted Texans can throw at her, and she likes dogs almost as much as Elizabeth."


Comments

  1. Wish I had thought of that ...lool

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the result of a misguided upbringing and a misspent youth. Twisted...

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kreuz Market vs. Smitty’s Market: Texas Barbecue in Lockhart

I was born and raised in New Jersey. I didn’t taste Texas barbecue until I was twenty-two years old. What the hell do I know about barbecue? And what could I add to the millions of words that have been written on the subject? Well, I know a bit about food. I’ve managed to check out a few of the finer joints in Texas – Sonny Bryan’s Smokehouse in Dallas, Joe Cotton’s in Robstown before the fire, the dear departed Williams Smokehouse in Houston, and the incomparable New Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Huntsville . So I can speak from a reasonably wide experience. This will not be a comprehensive discussion of the relative merits of Texas barbecue as opposed to the fare available in places like Memphis or the Carolinas. It’s simply a take on our recent visits to Lockhart and the relative merits of Smitty’s versus Kreuz from our point of view. I’ll get all over academic in a later post. On our way out to the ranch in Crystal City, we stopped at Smitty’s. You have to look

CHÉ OLIVE / LE ZINC, CREISSAN: RESTAURANT REVIEW

No, it's not Chez Olive. It is indeed Ché complete with red star and black beret. I have no idea why and I wasn't about to ask. The French are the French and not to be analyzed too closely when it comes to politics, especially these days. Creissan is the next town over from our village of Quarante. We pass through it often and Ché Olive is right there on the main road at the entrance to town. (One of the signs still says Le Zinc. Olive says he prefers Ché Olive though.) Olive opened it a couple of years ago after leaving the Bar 40, Quarante's basic local watering hole that's undergone a bit of a renaissance lately. We hadn't heard much about Ché Olive from our usual sources for dining recommendations. So we just kept passing by. For reasons not central to this review, we decided to stop in for lunch on a mid-week in late December. The bar is cozy, the restaurant open and bright and modern. Newly renovated and perhaps a bit sterile. We were the f

RESTAURANT TEN, UZES: RESTAURANT REVIEW

Ten sits just off the market square in Uzes, one of the prettiest villages in southern France. The newly renovated space is airy and comfortable with tables of sufficient size and sufficiently spaced to provide for a pleasant dining experience. Service was cheerful, fully bilingual, and attentive without being overbearing. The food presented well to both eye and tongue. And the rate of approximately 30 € per person for a party of five included starters, mains, a dessert or two, two bottles of local wine, and coffees at the finish. Reasonable if not cheap eats.  So why am I hesitant to give an unqualified thumbs up?  It took me a while to figure it out. Uzes is a quintessentially French village in a quintessentially French region of southern France. There are those who will say that the Languedoc is just as beautiful but less crowded and less expensive than its eastern neighbors. I know. I'm one of those people. But the fact remains that for many people, villages like Uzes are t