IRA'S STUPID STUFF AND BOWIE DOING PINK FLOYD - EARLY OCTOBER 2016

1. A man was arrested on a New Jersey beach wearing a 'swimsuit' made of clear plastic wrap. Island Beach State Park, my favorite Jersey beach, had the honor of hosting the show. The investigation before the arrest took two days, during which time the police report says that his genitals were clearly in full view. I guess the police had to be careful how they handled the evidence.

2. My Presidential candidates spend late nights on Twitter either ranting about sex or replying to rants about sex. I'm asleep. They should be too. If they are asleep, it's somebody from their campaigns posting on Twitter. Either way, they both should be ashamed at the depths to which this campaign has sunk. I certainly am.

3. Nigel Farage is back. That's all. Just that.
3a. Tim Tebow is now a professional baseball player. That's all. Just that.

4. Although Florida Governor Rick Scott denies having created the policy, a former lawyer for the Florida Department of Environmental Protection says that employees were banned from using such terms as 'climate change' and 'global warming'. Now, Hurricane Matthew. Certainly, Florida has been devastated by hurricanes in the past. I saw for myself the havoc wrought by Andrew. But with flooding on the streets of Miami a common occurrence when the winds blow onshore during a normal high tide, let's hope that Matthew veers away to the east or at least brushes past at low tide. Otherwise...

5. On a Sunday talk show, Trump surrogate Rudy Giuliani resented being asked about his admitted marital infidelities while speculating about Hillary and Bill. Why are we listening to Giuliani in the first place? I guess because New York's Roman Catholic former mayor had three wives and one of them forced him to sleep on the couch during his tenure, making Giuliani a leading expert on marital infidelity by public figures. Alongside Gingrich. And Trump. Maybe that's why Giuliani said 'everybody does it'. All of his political friends did.

This works. Cumberbatch? Not so much. 

(Or didn't you know that Gilmour brought Cumberbatch 

up recently to do Comfortably Numb with him?)

THE OBAMA/FARAGE TREATY

In a stunning turn of events, President Barack Obama and UKIP's Nigel Farage will announce that they have brokered a deal that will provide the answers to the most pressing problems that face each of their countries.

Obama has been confounded by the problem of Texas, a state that is home to George Bush and Rick Perry, a state that embraces the idea of a huge wall separating it from its southern neighbor, a state that has threatened to secede from the Union.

On the other side of the Pond, how can Farage expect to govern a country in which at least half of the population think that he is Satan incarnate, a country that already has a wall along its northern border, a country that has in fact already voted to secede from the Union?

The answer?

Swap places.

Obama will use eminent domain to confiscate the life-sized model of Noah's Ark that is being built in Kentucky. "If it was capable of carrying the Biblical dinosaurs to safety, it should be able to accommodate all the Texans that we want to get rid of," says Obama. "On the return trip, England can send along folks who voted Remain and bring them home to where they belong, the common market known as the USofA."

When asked about the Royal Family, Obama said,"We'll take Queen Elizabeth and her brood. They'd be perfect fodder for a reality television show. And Betty White has agreed to take her place in England. They're about the same age, Betty can handle anything that the newly transplanted Texans can throw at her, and she likes dogs almost as much as Elizabeth."