Sunday, February 19, 2017

VANDALISM REPORTED AT CHURCHILL'S BURIAL SITE

During a press conference at St. Martin's Church, Bladon, British Minister of Cemeteries Sir Digby Graves responded to reports of vandalism at the resting place of Sir Winston Churchill.

"The rumors of vandalism are completely without substance," declared the Minister. "The disturbances on the site were due solely to the fact that, having heard Theresa May's 12-Point Plan speech, Sir Winston turned over in his grave."

Friday, February 17, 2017

TRUMP'S NEW TRAVEL BAN ANNOUNCED

After meeting with his new Minister of Truthiness Laura Ingraham, President Donald Trump has announced that Americans will be banned from traveling anywhere outside the continental United States until further notice for their own safety.

"I'm told that Muslim hordes have taken control of London, Paris, Amsterdam, and Baden-Baden. Not safe. Traveling to Mexico, of course, is out of the question. Drugs and rapists and whatnot. And we're at war with China, so Asia is out, too."

US Senator Brian Schatz (D-HI) asked if Hawaii was included in the ban.

"Of course," said Trump. "Forget Hawaii. Anyone who wants a vacation in the sun can go to Mar-a-Lago. It's a terrific resort. Really terrific. I mean, I'm OK with Polynesians. I like Polynesians. Some Polynesians are great people. And those grass skirts, it makes it real easy to grab..."

At that point, the Secret Service whisked Trump from the podium.

Monday, January 30, 2017

AUBERGE DE REALS - RESTAURANT REVIEW

One of the pleasures of living in this part of the world is discovering new places to enjoy well-prepared, reasonably priced meals in pleasant surroundings with congenial hosts. Auberge de Reals typifies that pleasure. The restaurant is located near a picturesque bridge over the Orb River off the main road between Cazouls-les-Beziers and Cessenon sur Orb. The view from the terrace must be quite nice in summer but we came in late January and so had to 'settle' for the main dining room with its crackling fire, stone walls, wooden beams, and tile floors. Be aware, in winter the Auberge is closed Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. We joined a healthy Thursday lunch crowd, very congenial, many of whom seemed to be local regulars.

Service was attentive without being intrusive, pleasant without being over familiar. Given the nearly full house, our orders arrived surprisingly briskly, not hurried but not as leisurely as some restaurants in the region.

We ordered from the daily formula. Our salads came with a chunk of buttery fresh bread topped with a slice of quality goat cheese broiled just right. Simple greens, small wedges of tomato, slices of mushroom, and a mustardy cream sauce. Cathey ordered the fish casserole, chunks of white-fleshed fish (cod?) in a creamy sauce with carrots and with a lightly breaded crust. Tasty and a proper portion. Her side of rice was delicately flavored, not the typically bland side carb. I had the andouillette, a funky trash-meat sausage grilled properly and accompanied by a mound of crisp fries and another little taste of dressed greens. For dessert, Cathey had a flan-like citrus cream chock full of orange zest and I had the floating island topped with shaved, roasted almonds. Fitting endings.

With a demi of rosé (presented in a bucket of ice) and coffee for me, our total bill came to 33 euros. That's 12,50 each for the three-course formula plus wine and coffee. More than reasonable. We'll bring friends. Often. 






Thursday, January 26, 2017

TRUMP PRESIDENCY A SIMULATION

97% of peer reviewed articles by quantum physicists agree. The Trump Presidency represents the climax of a simulation that has been running for billions of years code named The Universe.

"It's obvious," said Neil deGrasse Tyson. "The simulation has run its course. There's no way forward. I expect a reboot any mo


Monday, January 23, 2017

LIE, DAMNED LIE, AND STATISTIC

I refuse to live in a post-truth world. We can argue about policies and their potential outcomes but I refuse to argue about facts.

Earth is not 6,000 years old. I don't have to prove it. You either get it or you don't.

Early humans did not ride dinosaurs like primitive cowboys. The Flintstones is a cartoon, not a documentary. Sorry to disappoint you.

Which brings us to President Trump's Press Secretary Sean Spicer's first official press conference. Spicer said:

1. The pictures showing the difference in the size of the crowd at Trump's inauguration as compared to Obama's were flawed because it was the first time that white flooring had been put down to protect the grass on The Mall.

That's a lie. It was not the first time.

2. Magnetometers were used for the first time at entry points to The Mall, slowing the formation of the crowd.

That's a damned lie. Magnetometers were not used at all.

3. DC Metro rider numbers during Trump's inauguration compared favorably to the numbers for Obama.

The statistics say otherwise. The numbers for the subsequent protest did compare favorably, being the second highest ridership ever after Obama's record-setting first inaugural. The ridership numbers for Trump's inaugural were half that.




Presidential Counselor Kellyanne Conway says that Spicer was presenting 'alternative facts'. Get out your Newspeak dictionaries, boys and girls. Alternative Facts = Lies

(I just love the meme: This is what you look like when gay designers refuse to dress you.)

#EmolumentEqualsImpeachment


Saturday, January 21, 2017

AMERICA NEEDS MORE BABIES

The abortion rate in the United States has been cut in half since 1980. Teen pregnancies are on a downward slope as well. Abortion foes say that the declines are because many states have passed legislation severely restricting abortion. But the birth rate hasn't risen in the meantime. So the reduction of the abortion rate cannot be because of those restrictions. There are only two possible reasons. Either Americans are having less sex or they are practicing contraception.

European analysts have been quick to suggest that a lack of sexual activity among Americans should not be a surprise to anyone. "The American attitude toward sex is like the European attitude toward Russia," explained Dutch sexologist Hans Palmstroker. "We are fascinated by it but every time we dip our schwanzstucker in, we get burned."

American conservatives, on the other hand, are reluctant to believe anything that can be proven statistically. Talk show commentator Russ Fury explained, "Who cares about reasons? Can a country that elects Donald Trump claim to have any relationship with reason?"

Fury went on to declare, "Whatever the cause, we need more babies. Every other country in the world is having babies - except those namby-pamby Europeans. We Americans need to step up to the plate. Thank God Congress is getting ready to defund Planned Parenthood. That'll show those Chinese and Mexicans that we can compete."