STUPID STUFF IS BACK, SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2019: BEETLES, STONERS, GRETA, AND STATUES

Beetle Painted on a Bus. That's all. Just that.

Shakespeare, Dumas, Steven King, Quentin Tarantino, and George Carlin are just a few famous wordsmiths who smithed words while stoned on cannabis. And here I am with just a glass of rosé in my hand. No wonder only three people are reading this.

Greta Thunberg is both smarter and wiser than Donald Trump. That's all. Just that.

John Dillinger's niece thinks that someone else is buried in the grave marked with his name. She says that the FBI shot the wrong guy. The FBI tweeted a denial of the allegation. Tell the truth. Did you ever think that you could read that last sentence and take it seriously? The FBI tweeted a denial of the allegations?

Officials on Easter Island are contemplating ways to discourage visitors from taking pictures of themselves picking the noses of the giant statues. That's all. Just that.

I read trashy novels to pass the time. Another trashy novel, another head-scratching scene. The American good guys seeking an ancient treasure are being driven around the UK by a native Brit, who asks if they want to see a soccer game. OK, you Brits in the audience. When was the last time that you called a football match a soccer game? And that author received money from me, through Kindle Unlimited, for reading that tripe while the three people that are reading this are doing so for free. There is no justice.

FIVE STUPID THINGS - MID JULY, 2016

FIVE STUPID THINGS may not be enough for the kind of week that it's been, but it's a start.

1. Democratic National Committee rules required that Bernie endorse Hillary so that his delegates could attend the convention. A real-life, actual friend of mine (pre Facebook) reposted a link to an article by some dodo...excuse me...rabid supporter of Bernie Sanders contending that if Bernie hadn't endorsed Hillary, his delegates couldn't have attended the Democratic convention. Having endorsed her, they can attend, there will be an outpouring of support for Bernie, and he will win the nomination through the sheer force of his righteous indignation.

You can't make this stuff up. Well, in fact, this particular dodo did make this stuff up.

2. May picks Boris to be the UK's ambassador to the world. That says it all. The sun has finally set on the British Empire.

3. Trump picks Pence, apparently in order to create a phallic penetration logo with a toilet paper reference. The Republican standard bearer has apparently decided that he can win without a majority of women, the LGBTQ community, or people of color. I'm pretty certain that there aren't enough pissed off white guys to make up the difference. We'll see.

4. In the wake of the tragedy in Nice, TIME Europe proclaimed that if we just start beating back Daesh, the recruitment of lone wolf terrorists will end because no one will want to be on the losing side. I presume that someone was actually paid for coming up with that analysis. Someone from the West. Someone who believes that terrorism against soft targets is about winning and losing. Someone who doesn't understand the Eastern concept of revenge. Someone who hasn't noticed that these lone wolf attacks have increased at the precise time that Daesh is being beaten back. Someone who doesn't recognize the letters I, R, and A. Where do I apply for the opportunity to get paid to write that kind of garbage?

5. After the horrendous killings of police officers this week, an official of the Cleveland police officers union has said that Obama has blood on his hands. Thus, in one quote to the media, we learn that an official representative of Cleveland's police officers is either an idiot or a racist. Probably both. On the other hand, this is the same guy who wants 'open carry' suspended for the Republican national convention. Maybe not so stupid after all...

BONUS: Melania Trump channels Michelle Obama in speech to the Republican convention. In my view, a wise move. She couldn't have picked a better role model. If only it wasn't so darn obvious.

HILLARY'S ELECTORAL MANIPULATION EXPOSED

The deadline for registering online to vote in the Brexit referendum to decide Britain's relationship with Europe has been moved back due to problems with the servers. During an interview with BBC MUNDO, Boris Johnson laid the blame squarely on Hillary.

"First of all, it's a problem with a server (Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.) Frankly, I don't think that she cares which side wins. This was just a trial run for November in the Colonies."

When confronted, Hillary replied,"What do men with bad hair have against me? Get styled, for heaven's sake."