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AMERICA NEEDS MORE BABIES

The abortion rate in the United States has been cut in half since 1980. Teen pregnancies are on a downward slope as well. Abortion foes say that the declines are because many states have passed legislation severely restricting abortion. But the birth rate hasn't risen in the meantime. So the reduction of the abortion rate cannot be because of those restrictions. There are only two possible reasons. Either Americans are having less sex or they are practicing contraception.

European analysts have been quick to suggest that a lack of sexual activity among Americans should not be a surprise to anyone. "The American attitude toward sex is like the European attitude toward Russia," explained Dutch sexologist Hans Palmstroker. "We are fascinated by it but every time we dip our schwanzstucker in, we get burned."

American conservatives, on the other hand, are reluctant to believe anything that can be proven statistically. Talk show commentator Russ Fury explained, "Who cares about reasons? Can a country that elects Donald Trump claim to have any relationship with reason?"

Fury went on to declare, "Whatever the cause, we need more babies. Every other country in the world is having babies - except those namby-pamby Europeans. We Americans need to step up to the plate. Thank God Congress is getting ready to defund Planned Parenthood. That'll show those Chinese and Mexicans that we can compete."

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