#NeverMind: BREXIT REVISITED

The International Olympic Committee has announced that, beginning in Rio, the winner of each event will still be awarded a gold medal but only the flag of the second place finisher's country will be displayed and only the national anthem of the third place finisher will be played. The only person/team allowed on the podium will be the last place finisher.

"We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings," said IOC Chairman Phineas Bluster. "It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you play the game."

It all started with a peewee soccer league in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Jonah Rainbow's mother Persephone was so distraught at the sight of Jonah's tears after a last second goal cost Jonah's team the league championship that she ordered a set of trophies exactly the same as those presented to the league champions, invited all of her son's teammates to a barbecue, and held a presentation ceremony in her back yard. Everybody got a trophy.

The movement grew when the Democratic Party agreed to change its name to the Democratic Socialist Party in order to appease Bernie Sanders' supporters. And #EverybodyGetsATrophy went international when newly elected British Prime Minister Sissy Brightly Tweeted #NeverMind when asked about the Brexit. "Did you see all of those young people marching in London? I just couldn't disappoint all of those poor kids who were too busy to vote in the referendum. #NeverMind. We'll stay in Europe."

A reporter asked her about all of her rural constituents who voted Leave. "Have they marched yet? You get points for marching, don't you?"

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