TRUMP's VP LIST REVEALED

It sailed from an upper floor window of Trump Tower in Manhattan, a crude paper airplane which, when unfolded, contained a computer printout with scribbled, hand-written notations. The Japanese tourist whose eye the airplane nearly poked out muttered a few four-character words, then crumpled it up and was about to throw it in a trash bin when his tour guide saw the Trump Vodka logo.

Curious, the tour guide smoothed out the sheet of paper and, upon realizing its significance, walked it into Hillary Clinton's campaign office. Tomorrow morning, the public will learn who is on Trump's short list for Vice President and what he thinks of each candidate. Although the document contains just the computer-printed list and the handwriting, that handwriting is definitely Trump's.

1. Ted Cruz   Not until I see his birth certificate

2. John Boehner    Our makeup would clash

3. Marco Rubio    Not until I see his birth certificate

4. Ric Santorum    I'll pray about it

5. John McCain    Not until I see his birth certificate

6. Sarah Palin    If I wanted big breasts and an empty head, I'd pick one of my ex-wives

7. Ben Carson    Who?

8. Chris Christie    If I wanted big breasts and an empty head, I'd pick one of my ex-wives

9. John Kasich    Who?

10. FIRST CHOICE: Newt Gingrich   Newt led the charge to impeach Bill Clinton while shtupping his third wife before he divorced his second. Or was he shtupping his second wife while married to his first? Either way, my kind of guy.