France, Food, Scooters and More: Democratic Party

...because my party believes in civil rights and LGBT rights.

...because my party believes in equal opportunity and equal pay for equal work.

...because my party believes that it takes government oversight to ensure that we have clean air to breathe and clean water to drink, food that is safe to eat, and safe workplace conditions.

...because my party believes that the economic playing field should be fair, that strong unions have made life better in this country, that people and businesses that earn more should pay more, that welfare should not be a reward for the rich but a safety net to the poor.

...because my party believes that together we can help each other recover from natural disasters and that together we can better understand and react to our changing climate.

...because my party believes that everyone who is eligible has the right to vote free from hindrance.

I am a registered Democrat because I join with others who believe the same. I want the candidates of my party and those who choose those candidates with me to believe the same. I have no quarrel with those who choose to register as Independent or Republican. They have their reasons. But without making a commitment to my party's principles, a commitment that is real, timely, and not the result of the exigencies of the moment, they have no place in determining the standard bearers of my party. That privilege belongs to its members, those who have made that commitment alongside me.

There are those who say that there is no difference between the political parties. And I can agree that there is too much money buying access in politics, too much lobbying in Washington, and too much deference paid to those who fund campaigns. But can you see the difference between Bader Ginsburg, Kagan, and Sotomayor as opposed to Roberts, Thomas, and Alito? If you can, then you know that there is a difference.

I am a registered Democrat.

My sources confirm that the national Democratic Party has taken to heart the criticisms concerning Party rules leveled by Sanders and his supporters. In a surprise move, DNC Chair Deb Wasserman Schultz has resigned. Her place will be taken by former University of Mississippi activist Melissa Click. Click immediately announced that the current nomination process has been scrapped.

Clinton's lead of approximately 300 pledged delegates, her amassing of over 2.5 million more primary votes than Sanders will no longer matter. Instead, a new regimen will be put into place. The nominee will be decided by an internet poll conducted on the first night of the Party's convention in Philadelphia exclusively among users of Twitter, Reddit, Instagram, and Snapchat. In case of a tie, the prospective nominee whose supporters use the most capital letters in their responses to survey questions will be judged the winner.

"It's about MODERN DEMOCRACY," said Sanders supporter Persephone Rainbow. "I mean, REALLY. If you don't understand MODERN MEANS OF COMMUNICATION, you DON'T DESERVE to be nominated. #BernieOrBust."

Clinton supporter Eleanor Bluehair saw things differently. "They are disenfranchising Myspace voters. Doesn't loyalty and tradition stand for anything anymore?"

Sanders released a statement saying that he would agree with the decision as long as it resulted in a victory for his campaign. If he lost, he reserved the right to change his mind. Clinton's campaign was too busy buying every available share of Twitter stock to comment.