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TRUMP COUNTERS PUTIN'S NUCLEAR THREAT

In response to Russian President Vladimir Putin's announcement that Russia was perfecting a nuclear-armed missile against which there could be no defense, President Trump announced that the United States had already considered its response.

"I've met with Wayne LaPierre and we agree. The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuke is by giving the good guys nukes. To that end, I have authorized the distribution of our entire nuclear arsenal to our friends in the Ukraine, where my good buddy Paul Manafort assures me that they will be put to good use, as well as to our allies in Saudi Arabia and in Taiwan. What could possibly go wrong?"

US Senator Marco Rubio commented,"Gee, I wish I had thought of that. Maybe we could get a few of those bad boys for my friends in Little Havana."

US Vice President Mike Pence could not be reached for comment. His spokesperson said Pence had traveled to Jerusalem to await the Rapture.

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