FLASH: TRUMP TO MARRY LE PEN

In a surprise move, at least to his current and third wife Melania, Donald Trump used the occasion of a political rally in Reno to announce that he was divorcing Melania and planned to marry Marine Le Pen, President of France's ultra-conservative political party, the National Front. Once Trump's divorce comes through, the way for the intercontinental union should be clear. Le Pen has divorced her previous two husbands and her current arrangement involves a 'domestic partner'...very French...and very Trump.

When asked why he was making this move at such a critical juncture in his campaign, Trump claimed that the idea was actually spawned by policy considerations...his concerns about immigration.

"My plan is to dig a ditch between Europe and the United States to prevent Syrian refugees from entering the country illegally," Trump declared. "By the same token, we'll be keeping cheap Mexican labor out of Europe." When it was pointed out that there was already an ocean between the two continents, Trump became incensed. "I'm a very smart person," he said. "I've heard of the Atlantic Ocean. Did it stop the British or the French from invading North America, the Spanish from taking over Mexico, or the Incas from controlling South America? We need a moat. Marine will work on it from her side and together we'll get the Mexicans AND the Syrians to pay for it."

When contacted for this article, Le Pen denied ever having agreed to marry Trump. "You can't buy a decent piece of meat in France," she said. "I called Trump because I heard that he had trouble selling his steaks and I thought that I could work out a deal. Marry him? Don't be silly. I'm French. I care about hair."