There's the stuff that you know. There's stuff that you don't know. There's stuff that you know that you don't know. And there's stuff that you don't know that you don't know. (For the children in the audience, I'm channeling a guy named Donald Rumsfeld. He may have been the Yogi Berra of government in his time. If you don't know why this all relates to a guy named Yogi Berra, who by the way is not really a yogi, I'm afraid that I can't help you.) When it comes to life in France, particularly life in the rural south, there's lots that you don't know that you don't know. Stuff the guidebooks generally don't tell you.
THE SALES (LES SOLDES)
I'm not talking about everyday, run-of-the-mill sales. Buy two, get one free. Buy one, get 50% off the second. That sort of sale is fairly common in French groceries and other retail establishments. No. I'm talking about THE SALES, the existence of which a surprising number of our local expats are unaware. What are THE SALES?
Twice every year, for a few weeks around January and July, THE SALES occur. The dates are published. The rules are rigid and relatively simple. Stores can discount only goods that are already in stock. Stores cannot discount goods that are purchased specifically for the sales. In other words, THE SALES are meant to truly be clearance sales and are regulated as such. Discounts can be as high as 70%. This year, I bought 3 heavyweight polos, 100% cotton and tagged at over 20€, for about 8€ apiece. And a 22€ cotton Henley at half price. And a pair of Puma leather trainers for 19€.
As you can imagine, the stores are packed. It's not Black Friday crazy, but it's serious shopping.
VO MOVIES
Version Originale. It means that the movie is shown as it was originally filmed, in the original language. Given how many movies in French multiplexes are English language productions, it's a good idea to check for the VO label on the schedule if you are not fully vernacular fluent. We screwed up the night that we went to see Bohemian Rhapsody. It made for weird viewing.
FERMETURE EXCEPTIONNELLE
You have an appointment with your hairdresser. You walk up at the appointed hour only to find that the door is locked. A small handwritten note is taped to the window. Fermeture exceptionnelle pour cause de maladie. (Unscheduled closing due to illness.) If you are a regular customer well-known to your stylist, maybe you have received a text. Maybe not.
You've been out of town for a couple of weeks. You return on a Sunday night. You head for the only bakery in your little village on Monday morning only to find that it's closed. For 10 days, the sign says. No explanation. But you know that the young couple who have recently bought the bakery have two small children in school and school is out for the summer. Simply stated, their family time is more important to them than the proceeds from the sale of your morning pastry. They've arranged for the butcher to sell baked goods brought in from a neighboring village in their absence, but the butcher is closed every Monday. You're out of luck.
Fermeture Exceptionnelle. Illness. Kids on vacation. Family crisis. Burst water pipe. Broken mirror on Friday the 13th. The supermarkets might keep to their printed schedules. Your local shopkeepers and tradesmen have a different sensibility. Drives some people crazy. And truly, closings are not quite as whimsical as I make them sound. But peace of mind, family, and friends matter more to the rural French than punching a clock, particularly a clock of their own making. I have heard Anglos say that the French are not entrepreneurial for this reason. Perhaps not, but they are human.
PLEASE DON'T EAT THE DAISIES
Slightly misleading title. I'm not talking about eating the daisies. I'm talking about picking them.
You're taking a hike through rural France along a vineyard with grapes that look about ripe. You stop and pick one grape to taste. One grape without the permission of the owner of the vineyard. You are a felon. One grape. Even after the harvest is done, when the tractors are all in their sheds, gleaning without permission is illegal.
That's grapes. Wildflowers? Always illegal in nature reserves and other protected areas. Wild orchids are among a list of protected species that are always illegal to pick as well. And technically, without the landowner's permission, picking a handful of flowering weeds is illegal too.
However...
If you don't pull up a wildflower by the roots, and if you only gather a handful, and if you are not picking for commercial purposes, you're probably OK. But be advised. Those wild asparagus, those blackberries that look so plump and juicy may be growing next to a vineyard that has been sprayed by a chemical that you don't want to ingest. Just sayin'...
STICK AROUND
I'll do this again soon.
